


Triple axels and drying racks

by TurquoiseMapleSyrup



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Banter, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, Quad Axel (Figure Skating), Quarantine, Texting, Yumi is done, Yuzuru is hopeless, the boys love each other, this is so silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26570506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurquoiseMapleSyrup/pseuds/TurquoiseMapleSyrup
Summary: Javier is quarantined in his house in Madrid, Yumi is absolutely exasperated and Yuzuru fears to find himself homeless soon. It's obviously on Javier to discover what happened this time (and enjoy the show).Total crack.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Triple axels and drying racks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic, and I really don't know how it turned out, so comments and feedback are much appreciated! Also, English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.  
> The idea for this is honestly so silly I don't even know how it came to my mind; I'll blame quarantine for it, since I wrote this a few months ago. Thinking again, this is so stupid that it's probably better if you don't comment at all!  
> However, to give a bit of context, you can imagine this to be set some time around April, when more or less the whole world was in quarantine.  
> (Set in a universe where the Earth spins the other way around, since the time conversions are pretty fucked up, I realized too late ><).  
> I hope you'll enjoy this crackish thingy!

The sun is just starting to filter through the window when something buzzes. Javier grunts, still in a slumber. The same something buzzes again, and again, and again. At this point Javier is regaining the first bits of consciousness and his foggy brain just wants to smash whatever is producing that obnoxious sound. His hand flies out from under the bedcovers and flails blindly in the direction of the noise; it looks like it finally hits something, even though definitely not the right thing, since the buzzing continues and Javier is completely waken up by a loud thud.

Startled, he bolts upright and groans at the sight of his bed lamp poorly contorted on the floor. The pity dies soon though, when his attention is brought back to his phone that buzzes one more time. He grabs it angrily. 7:13 am. He really hopes someone was warning him about the world ending in that very moment, because he really can’t see any other reason for waking him up at such an ungodly hour in the morning on another quarantine day, when he has absolutely nothing pressing to do nor to worry about.

Javier looks more closely at the notifications: they’re all from the same contact, “Yuzu👑”. He opens them hurriedly, ‘Oh my God what if he’s not okay what if he’s sick what if something happened, what time is it now over there’. Before his brain can actually form more elaborate thoughts, however, his chat with Yuzuru pops up and absolutely nothing worrying is to be spotted:

[Yuzu👑]

_Heeeey Javi good morning_

_You know I already did my job today :)_

_Jaaaavi but are you still sleeping??_

_Javiiiiiii_

_It’s past 7 in Spain come ooon_

_ I'm homeless here and you're sleeping  _

_ Are you really still sleeping?  _

_ Typical Javi  _

_ Lazy Javi  _

_ Jaaaaaviiiii  _

_ Need to help me before it’s too late _

_ I’m gonna get kicked out of the house Javi _

_ Come on wake up _

_ Wake up up up _

_Uuuuuuup_

_ Haaaaabi _

The Spaniard flops back on the bed, defeated; he is now fully awake and for absolutely no reason whatsoever. He cannot help but laugh, though. Among all the nonsensical messages, he hasn’t missed Yuzu’s allusion to being kicked out of his house and the ‘already did my job today’, with that maniacal smiley face he likes so much to use. That surely refers to their ongoing joke that Yuzuru makes at least one disaster a day that drives Yumi mad, and she gets so exasperated with him that she threatens to kick him out of HER house. Chuckling out loud, still lying in his bed, Javier wonders what could his boyfriend have done this time. It’s just midday in Toronto, and Yuzuru usually sleeps until late when he doesn’t have training at TCC, so he hasn’t probably been awake for long; the fact that he has already produced a disasterTM means he really put a lot of effort into it. Or maybe not, after all, we’re talking about Yuzuru, and being hopeless is another of his natural talents, Javier reminds himself.

Finally overwhelmed by curiosity, he answers Yuzuru.

[Javier]

_ Well, not-good morning at all, love. I’m up now, thank you very much. _

_ What have you done this time? Are you still harassing Yumi? _

The reply comes less than a minute later. Yuzuru must have been waiting near his phone.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Good you’re up, because here I made mess _

_ I need support _

_ And I don’t harass mom, it’s not my fault things happen okay? _

[Javier]

_ Mhm, yeah obviously _

_ So? Has Yumi already kicked you out? _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Not YET _

_ But she’s really mad _

_ Maybe she kills me in sleep tonight _

[Javier]

_ Cari ñ o, Yumi has the patience of a saint _

_ She won’t kill you, you are okay _

_ But then, what have you done? _

[Yuzu👑]

_ This is embarassiiiiiing _

_ I don’t know how it happened _

_ Send pic of Effie first for moral support? :) _

Javier snorts. His own boyfriend would barely speak to him without a picture of his cat and in their chat there are more photos of Effie than of the two of them. He stands up anyway and starts his quest for Effie around the house. Now that he thinks of it, why hasn’t she already shown up and bullied him into feeding her? Turning the corner and entering the living room, Javier gets his answer: the cat is peacefully sleeping curled up on the sofa and has apparently not been bothered at all by all the buzzing of the phone nor by the crash of Javi’s poor lamp. Right, it’s still barely 7.30 am, Javier remembers, and Effie isn’t the most hyperactive cat on the planet. He snaps a quick picture of a soft sleeping Effie and flops down on the other side of the couch.

Yuzuru answers the photo with a complex sticker featuring an uncountable number of hearts. Where does he even find those things, Javier used to wonder, before Yuzuru confessed he actually creates them himself with an app some of his friends suggested. Javier stares fondly at the sticker, chuckling. Having plenty of free time is nowhere good for his boyfriend. He is dragged out of his thoughts by another buzz from his phone.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Now I’m happier, thank you Javi _

Still no explanation of what drove Yumi mad, but Yuzuru is writing. After something like two minutes of writing, a short message finally follows.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Soooo I woke up and first thing I axeled out of the window and you know it was a really good jump, high and all, but I may not have noticed that there was the drying rack on the terrace and landed on it. Like, exactly on top of it. _

_ :) _

Javier stares. Now, he knows that while in quarantine Yuzuru has bought inline skates to practice at home, for Yumi’s unimaginable joy; he knows the structure of his house in Toronto and he knows that to set up his jumps he usually pushes his bed to the wall so that he has the room to gain a little bit of speed, take off near the window, that is actually a _French_ window, obviously, and jump through it landing on the terrace. Still, he can’t help being at a loss for words. He re-reads the message. There’s just no way he is misinterpreting. Yuzuru has been very clear.

[Javier]

_ I- I’m not very sure I’ve understood _

_ What on earth did you do _

_ HOW did that happen _

_ When how where and why _

_ This is too much even for you _

[Yuzu👑]

_ I told you mom is going to kill me  _ 😭

_ In the very best case _

[Javier]

_ Okay Yuzu but.. how did you- _

_ Like you got up from the bed, put on your skates and yeeted yourself outside? _

Javier smiles internally at the scrunchy face Yuzuru is probably doing right now at the other end of the world while reading the word ‘yeet’, which at TCC everybody always used to tease him about his random and usually very chaotic stunts with jumps and combos.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Javiii I don’t yeet. _

_ It didn’t happen like that however _

_ I got up, had breakfast and everything. Also stretched _

_ Just I didn’t look at all at the terrace _

_ Like not at all _

_ Never _

[Javier]

_ Okay okay got it _

_ And so..? _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Weelll _

_ And so I decided to practice my jumps a little bit _

_ And decided to jump a triple axel _

[Javier]

_ A triple axel _

_ Yeah right I’d have chosen that as well as the first jump of my session _

[Yuzu👑]

_ … _

_ That’s not important now _

_ A triple axel is always the best start _

_ I mean obviously a quad axel would be better but you know I haven’t tried it with these skates yet _

[Javier]

_ Oh Lord erase that yet please for the life of me _

_ Because if neither Yumi nor the landing kills you I will _

_ I swear _

_ No fucking quad axels (nor LUTZES!!!) on those damned things you call skates _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Javi _

_ I was joking _

_ You know that if anything at least I like my ankles attached to my feet _

_ I wouldn’t try that with inline skates _

[Javier]

_ Alright _

_ Thanks _

_ You can go on now _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Yeah I mean not much more to say _

_ I didn’t notice there was the drying rack in the middle of the terrace _

_ You know I can’t see well the terrace from inside my room right? _

Javier obviously remembers, oh if he remembers. The French window in Yuzu’s room is at the very end of the long terrace that goes from the kitchen to his bedroom, and while being inside the bedroom you can’t have a full view of what is outside, because the external wall forms a sort of corner next to the window. He remembers so well sitting on Yuzuru’s bed, talking and teasing each other about their sex habits, and finding out only after several minutes that Yumi was cleaning the terrace, literally one meter away from their open window, and wanting to leave planet Earth forever.

[Javier]

_ Yes Yuzu, I’ve probably been in that room more than in mine _

And his own words, that were meant as a joke, along with the embarrassing memory of Yumi, cause a wave of nostalgia to crash against him. He is just so sensitive these days, with Yuzuru so far away from him for so much time, in a situation of such uncertainty. But when will he be able to spend time in that house again? That house that Yuzuru used to hate so much at first and then slowly started feeling a lot more like home as they spent there more and more time together. When will he be back to watch the hilarious interactions between Yumi and his Yuzu, bickering like cat and dog? When will he be able to team up with Yumi to bully Yuzuru again?

Apparently, Yuzuru is having similar thoughts.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Thanks for the reminder _

_ This room really misses you _

_ And maybe also its owner misses you _

_ A little bit _

[Javier]

_ Awww someone is even trying to be sweet today _

_ I miss you too baby _

_ A lot _

_ And the house too _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Okay stop being sappy now _

_ My life is at stake here _

Javier laughs out loud at that. He can totally picture a pretended annoyed Yuzuru right now, he thinks fondly. After all the years together, his boyfriend is still so allergic to sweetness, or sappiness as he always says, expressed through words. He literally is the sweetest being on the planet, all cuddles and clinginess when they are together, but just don’t ask him to put his private romantic feelings into words: even in intimate situations it’s always Javier the one that does the talking about feelings, while Yuzuru just mutters something barely intelligible while blushing and hiding himself, or snorts with pretended superiority and complains about Javier giving him diabetes.  Damn, Javier really misses him and he knows that despite his dismissive answer Yuzuru misses him a lot as well. If they had been having this conversation during a video call, probably Yuzuru would have pouted sadly at him to show that he wished they were together, and then he would have tried to hug him through the screen. But a chat is not the same, and Yuzuru is always so much more controlled with words.

When his eyes wander back to the screen of his phone, Javier snaps out of his thoughts and registers that Yuzuru is still waiting for his answer.

[Javier]

_ Alright, tell me _

_ What is Yumi doing right now? _

[Yuzu👑]

_I don’t know_

_ And that is scary honestly _

_ She’s probably reloading the washing machine _

[Javier]

_ Because.. what happened to the drying rack? _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Well guess _

_ I landed on it so _

_ Miraculously it’s still in one piece _

_ I wouldn’t be here talking to you if I had broken it _

_ But obviously it was full of freshly washed clothes, and they ALL fell on the floor _

_ That was not freshly washed _

[Javier]

_ And so now she is washing them all again _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Exactly _

_ I want to die _

_ And I will soon be satisfied _

[Javier]

_ Nah come on, she’s not even yelling at you _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Yeah, it’s worse _

_ She’s silently planning my murder _

_ She nearly didn’t yell at all actually _

_ She just heard the crash, came outside, saw me with limbs everywhere tangled with the clothes, asked what happened, saw I was wearing skates, got concerned, understood I was not hurt, looked murderous, babbled something about it (or me?) being a nightmare, helped me up (or better wrestled me up) and basically shoved me back in my room while I was saying I was sorry and didn’t know how that happened _

_ She didn’t want to hear _

_ Luckily, because I really didn’t know what to say _

[Javier]

_ I guess I should feel guilty but I’m really cracking up _

_ Like, seriously I can’t _

_ I wish I was there _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Thanks _

_ So much comfort coming from you _

_ I hate you _

[Javier]

_ You know you can always count on me _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Baka _

[Javier]

❤

_ I’m just so sorry but I’m imagining the scene so vividly and _

_ Jajajajajajajajjajajajajajaja I’m speechless _

_ But come on, at least if you landed on the drying rack it means the jump really had a monster height _

Javier’s attempt at distracting Yuzuru from his current misery, at least, works.

[Yuzu👑]

_ Yeah it was huge  _ 🤗

_ You know, with those huge toe stops you really fly high _

_ I like that _

_ But obviously my blades are still much better _

_ You should try inline skates Javi _

[Javier]

_ Mm why not, I’ll see _

_ I’ll let you know if I try _

_ And if I kill myself I’ll totally blame you _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Oh noooo _

_ Please, no more blame _

_ There’s already mom hating me _

[Javier]

_ What a drama queen _

_ I’d tell you to go and help her but I guess it wouldn’t be the best of ideas _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Definitely not _

_ I’ve thought of offering to do the washing myself to help her, but I didn’t even have the nerve to actually tell her, considering how my last experience with the washing machine ended with half of our wardrobe turned purple _

[Javier]

_ Oh Lord I remember that _

_ Poor Yumi, I’m totally with her _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Traitor _

[Javier]

_ You know Yumi is my favorite _

[Yuzu👑]

_ You don’t deserve me _

_ Bye _

[Javier]

_ Hey no come back here _

Javier knows his boyfriend is an idiot, but he can’t help being the one who always tries and reaches out for the other, be it after a real or a pretended argument. He really wishes he could physically bring him back to him and hold him tight. He shakes away the thought, it really doesn’t do any good right now.

[Javier]

_ Where would you go anyway _

_ I don’t think it’s wise to leave your room with Yumi around yet _

_ She might kill you, remember? _

[Yuzu👑]

🖕

_ Oh oh oh Javi here we go I’ve loved you _

_ I may never see you again _

_ Mom is calling me for lunch _

[Javier]

_ Oh come on, she wants to feed you _

_ She doesn’t hate you and she doesn’t even want to throw you out, apparently _

[Yuzu👑]

_ She’s obviously going to poison me _

_ Bye _

_ See you in another life _

Javier shakes with laughter at the idea of a very done Yumi finally deciding to get rid of Yuzuru after years and years of putting up with his disasters, but decides to play along with Yuzuru.

[Javier]

_ Oh querido, this sounds terrible _

_ Well, in this case remember I love you _

_ Bye bye _

_ Let me know if you are dying _

When he receives no response, he assumes Yuzuru has gone to the kitchen and decides to do the same, to have breakfast and feed Effie.

~

Half an hour later he is in his bed again, with a satisfied Effie curled against him, and he is starting to doze off, when the buzzing of his phone brings him back to consciousness once again.

[Yuzu👑]

_Mom didn’t kill me after all_ 🥳

_ She’s not even mad anymore _

_ But I think no more jumps for today _

_ Maybe I can video call you later? _

Javier smiles to himself.

[Javier]

_ Sure love, as long as you let me rest a little bit now _

_ Or I may be the one killing you _

[Yuzu👑]

_ Alright, see you in a couple hours! _

Javier lays back down, with his arms around Effie, feeling warm all over, and closes his eyes happily.

**Author's Note:**

> Cariño, querido = darling  
> Baka = idiot  
> Also, I used emojis because I felt like they would use them while chatting, I hope you can see them correctly on whatever device you use to read! If not, let me know.


End file.
